Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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