There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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