What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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