So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
