I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
