# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
