then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
