The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
