In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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