Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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