Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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