Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
