Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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