I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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