the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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