Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
