I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
