i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
