96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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