If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
