He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
