Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
you made out with another girl for some wings
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
