Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize