Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just had sex bonerless
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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