i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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