i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
