I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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