Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize