What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
