so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
