Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
