hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
