shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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