You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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