forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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