Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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