Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
