a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
