My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize