He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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