Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
