I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
