yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
