my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
