Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
