Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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