I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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