dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
