i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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