At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
