I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
