Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
