Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Two words: blizzard sex
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
