is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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