Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
