Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
