I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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