the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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