You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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