why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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