I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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