There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
tell me about the fingering
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