i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
