honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
