the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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