Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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