He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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