i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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