I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
