dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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