that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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