4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
