Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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