you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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