I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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