i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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