He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
